What is dissociation?

On the most basic human level, disassociation is the process in which we separate and detach from our sense of reality – our thoughts, emotions, body sensations and identity. This experience can manifest in many ways and might include:

Gaps in memory and memory loss

Seeing yourself as separate and/or detached from your body 

Feeling emotionally numb

A sense of mental fogginess or strangeness in relation to your external world

Think about disassociation as if you are a step away from your reality, like you are watching a movie of your life instead of being part of it. When you watch a movie, you are watching scenes unfold on the screen – people laughing, beautiful skies, challenging moments – and you are separated from what is happening. You can see emotions, situations and experiences, but they don’t sink in or feel like they belong to you. It is as if the experiences belong to someone else and they are not part of your story. When our reality feels distant from us, when we aren’t fully present and engaged in the experience, we are likely disassociating. 

Disassociation is one of the bodies coping mechanisms that, based on accessibility of our resources, helps us manage overwhelming life experiences. If the experience overwhelms your resources, the likelihood is another coping strategy will be deployed. 

Sky divers who dive solo take a number of classes, participate in tandem dives, understand procedures and parachute mechanisms AND there is another safety mechanism in their shoot that will deploy if the diver cannot access their other resources when they need them. This emergency mechanism is kind of like the brain’s hardwired resource of disassociation; an emergency plan that is accessible when the other brain’s mechanism cannot or will not deploy.

Judgment universally makes our experience worse so, first and foremost, acceptance of the brain’s hardwired mechanism of disassociation. 

Recognizing triggers where your resources are overwhelmed is a great place to start. Are there any moments in your day where you feel like your reality is at arm’s length? This might look like day dreaming, hyper focusing on TV or a task, lost in a tunnel of rumination or other times where you are going through the motions but not actually experiencing the present moment. 

Naming what is happening without judgment: “Oops, I just left for a bit but I am back now.” When we work on developing the muscle of awareness, managing our disassociation becomes easier and easier with time. 

Manage it  – Come back to your present moment. Feel your feet on the ground, wiggle your toes. See if you can bring your awareness into your feet or hands or other place that feels comfortable in your body. Your mind might resist coming back to the present moment and that’s OK. 

Track it – knowing what might have promoted the overwhelm of the body’s resources can help us manage it in the future. For me, its sensory overwhelm. If I’m in large or noisy crowds (think IKEA on a Saturday in September) without my Loops Ear Plugs, I can be present for about 30 minutes before I start becoming irritable, ruminating, unaware of my surroundings and my brain starts to fog over. 

Remember, your body and nervous system know how to keep you safe, and safety is not always pleasant, present or comfortable. We can all work on ourselves to understand our bodies’ responses to overwhelming  life experiences.

Authored by Annie Amirault RSW MSW/Psychotherapist & Co-founder or ReLearning Human.