Did you drop or quit your New Year’s resolution yet? We are two weeks into the new year so If I could take a guess, most likely you have broken one or two? You may think this is a “negative” outlook from a therapist and maybe my scrougieness hasn’t worn off yet? Probably accurate and what I want to share with you is that it’s OK if you broke or dropped your New Year’s resolution(s). If you did, they were most probably unrealistic, hence unattainable and definitely not sustainable. Or you never really wanted this change in your life? The beautiful, marvelous part about this real life situation is you get to start again. Any time of the year. And hopefully, when you are truly ready or not, but feel a little more determined by/from your internal wisdom and your life, rather than the date and month in the calendar (not to mention the ridiculous societal pressures/construct of NY resolutions). You might not agree with this and that’s OK. But if you are one of the people that have broken a New Year’s resolution, I would challenge you to give it another try… when YOU are ready.  Do you know what makes you ready for things? Ready for change?

What does your body feel like?

(Tense, ease, excited for this goal?)

What words are you using to speak to yourself?

(Are you being kind? Mean? Doubtful?)

What does the work and effort required on a weekly/monthly basis look like in order for you to reach your goal?

(Have you done this before? Is the change you are seeking going to shock your body? Your mind? How embedded and committed (willingly, consciously or not) have you been to this pattern you are trying to change and introduce newness? How many years?)

What support system do you have in place?

(Yes, you can ask for help. Who will you reach out to when you feel yourself slipping back into old patterns? When this change feels too hard? Do you have an accountability buddy? [I hate this term] Who’s your people?)

Get where I’m going with this? You need a plan. Some kind of plan is required in order for your New Year’s resolution to be attainable. With a realistic plan in place, you may even start to believe that you will be able to reach your goal. It becomes believable, maybe trust in yourself more through experiencing small and consistent change. There is a vision in mind (cheers to you lovers of vision boards and believers in manifestation!). The reason why a plan is key is that we are never really ready for change. Or I should say that our brain is never really ready for change; however, we know we have the ability to change and adapt. With a plan, determination, kindness and compassion to self, belief in one’s strength, internal wisdom, purpose and letting go of the limitations we restrict ourselves by, things can happen. This groundwork is required before & during the occurrence of change. Not always possible as there are external factors to consider, and we don’t have control over those elements. But we can plan with the flexible mindset that plans change and change is constant.

For some of us New Year’s resolutions do work and for some it just doesn’t. It becomes another reason to beat up ourselves and feel discouraged that we failed once again. If you are expecting your brain to adjust and be OK, and even like the change in just one day, week or month you are setting yourself up for failure. It will take time, patience, repetition and desire, discipline and determination (my three favourite “D’s”).

We are only two weeks in so, you have some time to try again if you want and if this change is a priority to you. Before you start again, please ask yourself this. Why the change? Why is it important to YOU now? And if it is truly important to you, what’s the kind, realistic, supportive and sustainable plan you will put into place for yourself? At any time of the year.

If you need some support like we all do in creating a realistic plan in achieving your goals and getting to root issues of why you don’t or feel you can’t, our therapists at ReLearning Human also experience the same human-like challenges and are here to support you when you are ready. Please connect with us at co*****@re*************.com or you can read through our therapists’ bios here. If you are not ready to speak to a therapist, you can check out our micro goals worksheet here to guide you with taking small steps in making things happen.

Authored by Kavita Patel, RSW, MSW & Co-Founder of ReLearning Human