Perfectionism is the Psychological phenomenon that is categorized by “all or nothing” ways of thinking, control and has been linked to obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Working with anxious, procrastinating perfectionists for almost a decade, I have noticed a number of behaviours and beliefs that are keeping perfectionists stuck: 

Fear of failure: This profound fear stops you from starting any new endeavour by paralyzing your system. Some refer to this as a ‘functional freeze’ where on the outside you might look lazy or like you’re relaxed, but on the inside, you’re in turmoil and conflict bouncing between the various “best” ways to start.

Procrastination: You can’t fail if you don’t start right? Avoidance, or procrastination is one of the top behaviors I’ve noticed in perfectionists. Procrastination takes many forms and can sound like, “I’ll start tomorrow” or “I can’t handle this right now.” The more we procrastinate, the easier it is to get looped into the cycle of procrastination.  

Results focused: Most goals worth working towards require small, incremental changes that focus on process instead of the outcome. When we focus solely on the results, every time we don’t attain them, we fail. 

People-pleasing: Focusing on what others think of the decisions you are making and the goals you are achieving vs. having an intrinsic sense of accomplishment during the process. People-pleasing might show up as seeking external validation, withholding information about your goals or plans or making decisions that you believe others would value and want. 

Highly critical: Whether they are looking in the mirror or at people around them, perfectionists’ brains are hyper-critical. This neuro-wiring may present challenges in relationships where they are outwardly critical of their partner or inwardly critical, believing that they need to do and be better to deserve care and connection. 

Ready to make lasting changes to your perfectionist mindset? Here is what to do: 

Break through procrastination: Micro goals are goals that can help you break down tasks into smaller, more attainable goals so that each day you can feel a sense of accomplishment. Action creates motivation and the more micro goals you check-off, the more motivated you will be to keep going. Now (not later) is a great time to start. You can begin creating micro goals using this worksheet here.

Fail, fail and fail some more: Failure is part of any process. If we base out decisions and actions on not failing, then we likely aren’t trying. If we focus on not failing then we are playing defence in our own life. 

Re-focus on the process: When you notice your mind focusing on the end goal, pull back. Starting a business, changing body composition, finding a partner, making your bed, cleaning your space, takes consistent effort. 

ReLearn what perfectionism is: We sometimes use “well, I’m a perfectionist” as a way to fuel our helplessness. Perfectionism is a coping strategy to manage anxiety and like any coping strategy, the more we use it, the stronger the “muscle” becomes. 

Ask for support: Whether it’s doomscrolling, drinking too much at parties, over-texting friends and family members or ruminating, recognizing and managing anxiety is tough. You don’t have to manage alone, there are books, courses and therapists who can help! Check out a few of the resources below: 

Marc Antony TedTalk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTbnBmwKuCI

Reshma Saujani: https://www.amazon.ca/Brave-Not-Perfect-Celebrating-Imperfection/dp/1524762350/ref=asc_df_1524762350/?tag=googleshopc0c-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=706754452057&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4001277781930848264&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9000090&hvtargid=pla-1098540870872&psc=1&mcid=811d6b7b947d3bdcb104bf5acc85f337&gad_source=1

Ali Abdall: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elAFB0HSBgo 

Stephen Guise: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25692561-how-to-be-an-imperfectionist 

Authored by Annie Amirault, RSW & Co-Founder of ReLearning Human