For any client that I meet I often describe therapy as a safe space. Where there is opportunity to explore learned patterns, coping mechanisms, uncover fears and rediscover parts of our humanness that were forgotten or didn’t even know existed. This is the unraveling beauty of therapy. What I also prepare my clients for is therapy can also be an isolating experience. Where seeking connection and understanding might start off with stepping into a space of solitude.

Therapy requires vulnerability. Through this process as a therapist, I gently ask clients to open up wounds that have been buried, confront memories that have been avoided and face fears and challenge themselves when they are ready, or not. This is a necessary process for healing to occur and this itself can cause a profound sense of isolation. Therapists are supportive; however, the journey that you are on is YOUR journey. No one else experiences the exact experience as you, your pain, your perspective. This process can feel like you are navigating the unknown entirely on our own. And it’s because you are.

Why Does Therapy Feel Isolating?

Unshared experiences: You soon start to realize that some experiences cannot be fully shared or understood by others. I never say to my clients, “I can only imagine.”  Because I can’t. I may have had similar experiences but not my clients’ experience. I can guide, validate emotions and offer insights, but I cannot walk in my client’s shoes. This can amplify feelings of solitude.

Disconnection from loved ones: Therapy prompts self-discovery often building curiosity and creating opportunities to reevaluate relationships, boundaries, wants and needs. Pretty much your life in general! As you learn more about yourself, grow and change, some relationships start to feel strained or off-rhythm. A felt sense of misalignment may emerge, causing you to question expectations or dynamics of existing connections. This can create a sense of alienation. Not everyone will understand, agree with or even accept your transformation. This shift in relationships can be extremely challenging and lonely.

Facing your truths: Therapy forces you to confront truths about yourself that you can no longer avoid, or rather you are somewhat ready to no longer avoid. Some truths about us can be uncomfortable and so painful. This internal work, inward focus, can sometimes feel isolating as you are processing through them alone. When you start to do the work of untangling patterns and unlearning and relearning coping mechanisms it can often feel like a solitary battle even with the most compassionate therapist rooting for you.

How Can You Navigate the Isolation?

Get used to the discomfort: It’s true. We need to start to normalize that with anything new, a change will feel awkward and uncomfortable. Our brain needs to adapt to this change and discomfort is often a sign of growth (therapy is working! Yay). Remember, feeling isolated through the process of therapy is not uncommon.

Let your therapist know: I share this often with my therapist. My ethnicity, cultural background, child of immigrant parents, sexual orientation and all the parts that make me whole have always felt uniquely different, not in a good way. Being a service user of therapy has amplified my feelings of alienation. I have always felt outside of any box. Discussing it with my therapist helps to unpack these feelings and they can make the process feel less daunting.

Build your support network: Who are your people? Lean on friends, family members or support groups that feel safe and can provide comfort. Sharing with others can help you bridge that gap with the internal work that you are doing and the outside world.

Write down your experience: Journaling helps. Writing down your experience is a powerful tool in processing your emotions and organizing your thoughts. Sometimes this can help in articulating your feelings that you might find difficult to express in your therapy sessions. It also feels incredible to read your entries and realise how far you’ve come and the personal growth that has occurred. If you would like some prompts to support you in journaling, you can find some here.

Be fearless with solitude: Try and embrace solitude. Use this time to deepen your connection to self. Practice mindfulness, breathwork, connect with your spiritual self or use creative outlets like art, music, dance. Have an open and curious mind. Do not fear your own company.

Isolation can feel incredibly daunting, but this doesn’t mean it is inherently negative. The solitude experienced in therapy can serve a profound purpose. This is a space where we can connect with ourselves. There can be room in this space for self-reliance, self- awareness, self-compassion and tremendous personal growth. The loneliness and solitude can be the bridge between who you were, are and who you are becoming. It can be isolating at times, but this process is a vital part of healing. With time, you can experience isolation paving the way to a deeper sense of connection, not only with others around you, but to the very essence of who you are.

Authored by Kavita Patel RSW, MSW & Co-Founder of ReLearning Human