Many of my clients share their challenges around falling asleep or staying asleep throughout the night. Especially during this time of year. When further explored, it’s quite clear that one of the challenges around sleep is that we are in fact trying to force ourselves to sleep! We know the drill. Twist and turn, get up to pee, curse, scroll on our phone, thoughts and worries running through our minds, curse some more, and so on. Forcing sleep doesn’t work. When we do this, we disrupt our natural process of sleep, our circadian rhythms and the release of sleep hormones such as melatonin. Here are some reasons as to why forcing yourself to sleep won’t work.

Let’s think about it, if you are forcing yourself to sleep you are adding pressure on yourself and this often leads us into an anxiety spiral. At this point trying to sleep is becoming more and more stressful. When you are feeling anxious, you are more sensitive and can experience a heightened awareness, not only in your body, but your surroundings. We experience anxiety when we are feeling a sense of threat (i.e.: F**k, I can’t sleep! I’m not going to be able to function and deliver a stellar presentation at work tomorrow!).  

We also don’t give sleep and the complexities of sleep the credit that it deserves, and we often neglect this process by neglecting to listen to our bodies. Your body knows when it needs to sleep and fighting off these cues often lead to disruptive sleep cycles. I understand that you may not be able to take a nap in the middle of the day (especially if you’re physically in the office 😊), however listening to your body at the end of the day and following through on what it needs when it comes to sleep may surprise you.

Probably the worst thing you can do (I am guilty of this too) is reaching for your phone or any device before sleep and/or when you awake in the middle of the night. When you do this, you are activating your brain and it will be difficult to fall asleep. 

My first suggestion with clients wanting to relearn how to sleep and stay asleep is the practice of:

 1) Acceptance VS resistance. This can help support your process of sleep overall. It interrupts the current habit or pattern that exists. You are also choosing to focus on the present moment and not tomorrow’s presentation.

2) Mindfulness sleep meditations can keep you in the present moment. Deep breathing and muscle relaxation techniques can help calm your mind and body, easing your anxiety (find some resources here). Journaling is also another way to declutter your mind and soften or dump any negative ruminating thoughts.

3) Listening to your body and trusting that it knows when to sleep is helpful. You can try getting up, doing some light stretches, walking around or sitting in another room if that is an option and doing this quietly.

4) Assisting your body and mind with a pre-sleep realistic relaxing routine can help wind down.  Limiting caffeine, heavy meals and screen time before bed can help. However, don’t set yourself up for failure. If you don’t like to read or meditate before bed, then don’t. Setting a realistic relaxing routine for you is important.

5) Give it time. If you are starting your journey in relearning how to sleep and stay asleep, some offerings of grace and kindness to yourself will be nice. Your brain needs time, repetition and consistency to adopt a new learning. So be nice to your brain.

6) Seeking additional support for sleep may be necessary and always recommended if it is impacting your daily functioning. Consult with a healthcare professional. They may be able to provide further support around your specific sleep care needs.

Getting to know our bodies and our natural sleep cycle is important. Being in tune with ourselves brings an awareness of what we need to fall asleep and stay asleep. Accepting that our needs around sleep will change from time to time can be difficult. We are not always going to have a deep, peaceful sleep due to life events, stressors, change in season and so on. Being mindful of this and accepting this natural process can also contribute to better sleep. It’s a start anyway. If/when you decide to relearn and create a sleep routine that works for you give some of these suggestions a try. Good luck to you and maybe, good night.

Authored by Kavita Patel, RSW, MSW, Psychotherapist & Co-Founder of ReLearning Human.