As a Psychotherapist who has almost 10 years under her belt, I always get this question:

“How can I get rid of my anxiety?”

My response is always – “you can’t.”

You can avoid things that make you anxious but that won’t get rid of your anxiety. Avoidance of the person/place/thing that sets your anxiety alarm off will actually make your anxiety worse. You can develop an awesome tool box of strategies to manage your anxiety, but that won’t get rid of it either. What you can do, is learn to accept the parts of you (yes, the anxious part) that you usually brace away from, repress, avoid or push away. 

You can learn how to manage your anxiety and make it your friend (OK, OK, maybe your acquaintance). The first step to any sort of change is awareness. No, I’m not talking about writing down your triggers (although, that can be helpful). I’m talking about understanding how anxiety FEELS in your body. It is shocking how little practice we have at describing how a hard-wired experience like anxiety FEELS in our body. 

Some folks describe anxiety FEELING like:

• a churning feeling in your stomach
• feeling light-headed and dizzy
• pins and needles in your limbs 
• feeling restless or agitated in your body 
• faster breathing
• a fast, thumping or irregular heartbeat
• sweating or hot flushes

Next time you start to notice your brain thinking anticipatory, future-focused, predicting, catastrophic or mindreading thoughts, say “I’M FEELING ANXIOUS” and try not to go into the why or justifying or judging. (Therapy Hack: anxious thoughts can sound like “if X then Y” i.e., if I’m not on time for this meeting then I won’t get the promotion).

Your internal alarm bells are going off and that’s OK. We all have alarms that go off in different scenarios. If you start thinking you’re abnormal or alone or crazy then that means your brain has been hijacked and it’s another opportunity to say, “I’M FEELING ANXIOUS.” 

Once you have developed that awesome muscle of awareness, you want to work on coping, managing and living with the very human experience of anxiety. 

Everyone’s coping skills around anxiety look different and therapy can help you build an anxiety tool box. 

The goal of the anxiety toolbox is to regulate your nervous system and bring it down from being hyper aroused (no, not in the sexual way) to being in an active, alert or even calm space. 

Coping strategies for managing anxiety might include:

Tuning into your breath moving in and out of your nose

Feeling your feet on the floor

Inhaling aromatherapy

Crying

Screaming into a pillow (hey, no judgement)

Cognitive restructuring

Exposure hierarchy and avoidance support

Self-compassion

There are SO many supportive strategies and all you need is a few tried, true and well practiced tools to help yourself manage your anxiety. The first step, and often the hardest step, is acceptance. Once you accept that totally illogical, sweaty, sometimes a bit neurotic anxiety is here to stay, you can work toward softening into it, practicing curiosity and offering your body the strategies it needs to come down when it’s triggered. 

If you’re considering therapy and want to connect, contact us at co*****@re*************.com or you can read through our therapists’ bios here.

Authored by Annie Amirault, RSW & Co-Founder of ReLearning Human