No B.S. Exercises

As a Psychotherapist who has almost 10 years under her belt, I always get this question:

“How can I get rid of my anxiety?”

My response is always – “you can’t.”

You can avoid things that make you anxious but that won’t get rid of your anxiety. Avoidance of the person/place/thing that sets your anxiety alarm off will actually make your anxiety worse. You can develop an awesome tool box of strategies to manage your anxiety, but that won’t get rid of it either. What you can do, is learn to accept the parts of you (yes, the anxious part) that you usually brace away from, repress, avoid or push away.

You can learn how to manage your anxiety and make it your friend (OK, OK, maybe your acquaintance). The first step to any sort of change is awareness. No, I’m not talking about writing down your triggers (although, that can be helpful). I’m talking about understanding how anxiety FEELS in your body. It is shocking how little practice we have at describing how a hard-wired experience like anxiety FEELS in our body.

Some folks describe anxiety FEELING like:

a churning feeling in your stomach
feeling light-headed and dizzy
pins and needles in your limbs
feeling restless or agitated in your body
faster breathing
a fast, thumping or irregular heartbeat
sweating or hot flushes

Next time you start to notice your brain thinking anticipatory, future-focused, predicting, catastrophic or mindreading thoughts, say “I’M FEELING ANXIOUS” and try not to go into the why or justifying or judging. (Therapy Hack: anxious thoughts can sound like “if X then Y” i.e., if I’m not on time for this meeting then I won’t get the promotion).

Your internal alarm bells are going off and that’s OK. We all have alarms that go off in different scenarios. If you start thinking you’re abnormal or alone or crazy then that means your brain has been hijacked and it’s another opportunity to say, “I’M FEELING ANXIOUS.”

Once you have developed that awesome muscle of awareness, you want to work on coping, managing and living with the very human experience of anxiety.

Everyone’s coping skills around anxiety look different and therapy can help you build an anxiety tool box.

The goal of the anxiety toolbox is to regulate your nervous system and bring it down from being hyper aroused (no, not in the sexual way) to being in an active, alert or even calm space.

Coping strategies for managing anxiety might include:

Tuning into your breath moving in and out of your nose

Feeling your feet on the floor

Inhaling aromatherapy

Crying

Screaming into a pillow (hey, no judgement)

Cognitive restructuring

Exposure hierarchy and avoidance support

Self-compassion

There are SO many supportive strategies and all you need is a few tried, true and well practiced tools to help yourself manage your anxiety. The first step, and often the hardest step, is acceptance. Once you accept that totally illogical, sweaty, sometimes a bit neurotic anxiety is here to stay, you can work toward softening into it, practicing curiosity and offering your body the strategies it needs to come down when it’s triggered.

If you’re considering therapy and want to connect, contact us at co*****@re*************.com or you can read through our therapists’ bios here.

Authored by Annie Amirault, RSW & Co-Founder of ReLearning Human

How to get rid of your Anxiety

No B.S. Exercises

Do you have a task that no matter how hard you work at it or know it needs to get done, you find yourself spiraling, avoiding the task until the very last minute? If this sounds like you, you’re not alone.

Maybe you’re used to hearing phrases like: “Everyone has to do XYZ, it’s not that difficult,” “Have you tried putting it in a planner so you’ll get it done,” or the infamous, “If you just tried a little harder.” No matter how hard we can work at improving our habits or take the advice that was given to us, we still can’t get past the obstacle which can sometimes lead to feelings of shame. But I promise you, no matter how much it feels like a personal failing, it’s not. There’s usually a reason why we are struggling with a task. Have you considered what your reason could be?

If you don’t know what your obstacle is, that’s perfectly OK. We’re humans, always learning and evolving. But, if you spend some time with yourself, exploring why a particular task is so difficult for you, you may be able to find a workaround. And if you’re ready to start having this conversation with yourself, here are a few prompts to get you started:

Is there a sensory experience (i.e., sight, smell, hearing, taste or touch) about this task that you struggle with?
Is a disability causing obstacles in completing the task? If so, what about the disability makes the task difficult?
What about this particular task bothers you?
Is the obstacle that you would rather be doing something else?
Are you overwhelmed with the aspect of starting or transitioning into a new task?

Now, considering the above:

What could you do to make this task easier for yourself?
Is there something someone else could do to assist you?

If you spend a little bit of time being curious about what obstacles are standing in your way, you may be able to find ways that make a task more manageable. If it’s something specific that gets in the way of completing the task, consider what might counteract it or eliminate it entirely. For example, I hate doing dishes (I mean, does anyone really like doing dishes?) and found myself constantly dragging my feet to do them because I’d get so overwhelmed. After looking into why I hated them, I found that I really just didn’t like the noise. So now, if I’m doing dishes, it is almost guaranteed that I also have noise-cancelling headphones blasting my favourite music because it just makes the task feel easier. But maybe it’s just the sheer number of steps that have to be taken to complete a task. And if this is the case, using micro goals may help get you started. You can find a worksheet for this here.

Other times, it could be just the way our body functions, whether it be executive dysfunction, fatigue or another factor that makes the task harder. A lot of people struggle with deadlines, no matter how much time is given, it’s most likely the work was saved to the very end, and then anxiety ensues. In this case, maybe setting an earlier deadline to have preliminary notes done and checking in with someone would help move the workflow along. Alternatively, if it’s physical, maybe there’s a way you can adapt your environment to make the task easier for you (I’m a strong believer that sitting down to do something makes the task significantly easier, at least for me it does).

And these obstacles do not always have to be there, they may just be situational. But the amazing thing about being human is that we can be adaptive, we’re wired for it. So, while maybe your needs change from time to time, it’s worth it to explore what you need at that particular moment.

We’re human, all different and unique — and that includes you — so it would make sense that maybe you need to approach something from a different angle. And there is nothing wrong with that. This change won’t happen overnight though, it may take a few tries to figure out what works for you, and that’s OK. And with this all said, there may not always be a workaround, and that’s OK too.

So, while this will take time and effort — and you are absolutely worth this effort — you do have the opportunity to make something more accessible and tuned to your needs. No matter what they are and even if they look a little different than how others do it. But if we take a moment to explore why we may be struggling with these tasks with gentle, self-compassionate curiosity instead of battling the obstacle and getting frustrated with ourselves or the task, we open ourselves up to the opportunity to find adaptive ways that work for us.

You aren’t alone in this; if you are ready to explore therapy, contact us at co*****@re*************.com or you can read through our therapists’ bios here and start your therapy journey.

Authored by Dani Caruso, BSW

Struggling to get stuff done? There may be a reason.

No B.S. Exercises

Yes, it is still a thing. Today I was driving downtown Toronto and I found myself smiling. I know maybe I’ve completely lost the last of what was intact of my mind, but I really don’t think that’s the case ( still in question 🙂 It was around 9:15 am, so yes there was traffic, but what I realized I was doing was paying attention to the sky, hanging like a backdrop to the buildings, how the sun was shining and reflecting against the windows. It was beautiful, and I thought to myself, this makes me happy. I am happy right now, at this moment, I am happy.

It’s really great when we are able to access these small moments of joy, contentment and, when acknowledged, we can find ourselves basking in some happiness. I know, it doesn’t take me much, but the point I’m trying to make is that it still is possible to feel this happiness if we give it some attention.

Here are some intentional practices that have helped me access happiness some of the time:

Practice of gratitude. Have you tried this? If you haven’t, try it now if you want. Take a minute to think about something or someone you are grateful for, perhaps your life. I mean that you are alive. That’s always a great place to start, I suppose. Gratitude is one of the most powerful ways to shift your mindset toward happiness. What I appreciate about the practice of gratitude, is that it helps you shift focus from scarcity to abundance.

Letting go of perfect. It doesn’t exist. If you are aiming for perfectionism, you are most likely unable to experience many moments of joy and happiness. Is this true for you? It’s helpful to accept that mistakes and imperfections are a natural part of life and being human. We are messy, life is messy, and that’s OK.

Doing something nice for someone. Ever bought a coffee for the person in line behind you? Or told someone they have something in their teeth? Doing nice things for others helps us feel good about ourselves and can sometimes elevate our mood. Helping others triggers the release of feel-good hormones like oxytocin, which can lead to increased feelings of happiness.

Have you laughed today? There’s a beautiful memory I have with my sister. We were sitting together at our family home when I started to laugh. Soon my laughter was uncontrollable and my sister, not knowing what I was laughing about, followed suit. We laughed for a few minutes uncontrollably, without a worry in the world. It feels wonderful to laugh. Not only does it improve our mood, but it is linked to reducing stress, feeling relaxed and boosts our immune system. So laugh, laugh and laugh some more.

Practice presence in nature, if possible. To be honest, it’s easier and it’s kind of like getting a head start. Without a device and noise. It could feel scary and awkward but if you have the opportunity try it. Practicing presence trains our minds to appreciate the present moment, not regrets of the past or worries of the future. Doing this in nature jumpstarts the process as being in nature soothes our brain and helps us restore balance in our body and mind.

There are many intentional practices we can start to implement in our lives if we are serious about feeling truly happy. Try one of these practices, the one that feels the most natural to you, the one that calls to you and start there. Try this practice for three days. If you want to keep going, try it for three weeks. If you find yourself feeling happier, keep going for as long as you want to feel happy 😊

What’s helped me the most is accepting that we cannot and will not feel happy all the time. It is a series of small choices and practices we make every day that can foster this happy mindset. Accepting that life will be challenging, hard and painful at times while making space for moments of joy, gratitude and connection we can build a realistic, hence sustainable, sense of happiness that comes from within ourselves. Not from the outside and/or by someone else. You deserve to feel happy and fulfilled and YOU have the power to make it happen.

Authored by Kavita Patel RSW, MSW & Co-founder of ReLearning Human

Is happiness still a thing? A few intentional practices to feel happy sometimes

No B.S. Exercises

Ever sit on the couch with your mind telling you the long list of things you *should* or *need* to do and you can’t seem to get up and actually do any of them? You sit there for minutes, hours or even days naming everything you need to do and judging that it’s not being done. You are anticipating how hard the task will be, criticizing yourself thinking that it’s easier for everyone else. You might even go through your day-to-day completing your tasks, but it takes every ounce of energy for you to get them done.

The longer you avoid a task, the harder your brain will believe it is and the less resources it will have to do the actual task.

Your mind has overwhelmed you to the point of poking at your sympathetic nervous system and BOOM you are frozen.

You have a good body, it is trying to help you survive when danger is present. You might be thinking, “But no danger is present!” If your nervous system is activated and you are frozen, it is because it has perceived a danger. Your brain is trying to logic you away from this reaction, and unfortunately, the animal just does not work that way.

You can start to thaw your freeze response by following these steps:

TALK TO YOUR BRAIN – say “Thanks brain but you aren’t being helpful right now.”

NAME WHAT’S HAPPENING – I feel frozen and that is OK, this a normal response, even if the fear is not logical.

HELP YOURSELF – The feeling of helplessness creeps in and we might start to notice apathy, some “why bothers” or “what’s the points” floating around in your mind.

START SLOW – Look at the corners of the room that you are in. Move your neck. It’s hard to stay stuck when you are in motion. Keep trying to note all the corners.

GET UP – Often we experience this functional freeze or freeze experience when our bodies are laying or sitting. Even though it might look like rest on the outside, the mind is jumping from thought to thought and feeling anything BUT peaceful. Even if it’s one foot on the ground, or bending your knees. Move your body.

CHANGE YOUR TEMPERATURE – Once you have successfully shifted that freeze response, splash cold water on your face, grab an ice cube and let it melt in your hand. If you are brave, go outside in the cold for a moment. Feel that change of temperature as it shifts you further out of freeze.

Managing the human system is not easy and we do often need more help with our practice. We are here when you need that extra bit of support. Reach out to co*****@re*************.com for other resources or to find a therapist that might be the right fit for you.

Authored by Annie Amirault RSW & Co-Founder of ReLearning Human

Are you Stuck in Functional Freeze? Keep reading…

No B.S. Exercises

Ever feel like your mind is jumping ahead of your body? It happens so quickly; our brain gets hijacked by future worries. Thinking about what to cook for supper? Then when do I buy the groceries? should I go to the bank first, shit I have to cancel my dentist appointment, I really need to sort out my banking… we are soon spiraling downwards. Breathing more heavily, feeling tightness in our chest or a fogginess clouds our mind. For some of us, this is how our anxiety shows up.

When the thoughts jump out at us, we don’t always notice it right away and we sure get caught up in our anxiety, dysregulated and feel out of control. Because we are. This is until we can bring awareness to our anxiety (name it) and learn to regulate our nervous system. In this moment of awareness, we can come back to our breath. This is the magic of breathing, we have access to it all the time until we don’t, and it doesn’t require a tremendous amount of effort, just practice.

Here are three questions to help bring us back to the now:

1) Where am I?

2) What am I doing?

3) Who am I with?

In order to answer the first question, I have to completely stop. Breathe. Deep breaths and ask myself where am I? Firstly, this is to interrupt my mind from racing, being scared and to remind myself that my body is safe. Maybe at this point I have not entirely convinced my mind but I am present to my surroundings.

Secondly, what am I doing? Again, first I take a few deep breaths, asking myself what EXACTLY I am doing. I bring awareness to what my physical actions are, sometimes to the thoughts in my mind however at this point, not so important. At this moment I am bringing awareness to what I am doing. I am bringing myself back here. Also reminding myself that I am safe.

Who am I with? Am I alone, with someone else? Usually when I’m alone, I draw my attention to my body, most often rubbing my feet together or gently rubbing my arm or even my chin. If I have drifted off into my spiral and I am with someone, I do my best to bring my attention to the person’s eyes or some part of their face that draws my attention, and again, deep breaths and then reestablish connection with this person.

This practice has helped significantly when my mind is racing. It is not so easy, but with practice it can become a useful tool to bring you back to the present moment. With this practice it is also important to hold a space of kindness and non self judgment as you may be learning how to be present for the first time. So, it will take time for your brain to adjust to this newness.

If you would like some guided meditations to help with the practice of being present, coming back to the here & now, check out this link. If you feel you are ready to explore discussing your anxiety and learn other strategies in managing your anxiety with a therapist, check out our therapists’ bios here.

Authored by Kavita Patel, RSW, MSW, Registered Social Worker/Psychotherapist & Co-Founder of ReLearning Human

How you can come back to Here & Now

The Self

Everyday we are faced with stressful, anxious provoking situations and it’s easy to get in your head. ‘Grounding techniques’ offer a solution to the problem of the human mind that experiences 70,000-100,000 thoughts per day (ever wonder why you are tired, fatigued and overwhelmed by 5pm? – thats why!).

This technique can help you get through challenging (think stressful and anxiety producing) situations. When we are confronted with experiences that our brains perceive as difficult, impossible or even dangerous (yes, that email notification can feel dangerous), sometimes our bodies produce survival hormones that intend to be helpful but in reality make us physically and emotionally uncomfortable (read mental freak outs, anxiety spirals, outthinking and self sabotaging behaviors).

Using this technique will walk you through your five senses to help manage tough situations when they arise.

5 – LOOK: Look around for 5 things that you can see, and say them out loud. For example, you could say, I see the computer, I see the cup, I see the picture frame.

4 – FEEL: Pay attention to your body and think of 4 things that you can feel, and say them out loud. For example, you could say, I feel my feet warm in my socks, I feel the hair moving in the breeze.

3 – LISTEN: Listen for 3 sounds. It could be the sound of traffic outside, the sound of typing or the sound of your tummy rumbling.

2 – SMELL: Say two things you can smell. If you’re able to, it’s okay to move to another spot and sniff something. If you can’t smell anything at the moment or you can’t move, then name your 2 favorite smells.

1 – TASTE: Say one thing you can taste. It may be the toothpaste from brushing your teeth, or a mint from after lunch. If you can’t taste anything, then say your favorite thing to taste.

Need more help managing anxiety, overwhelm, stress or other human experiences? We are here, one email or click away.

Feeling Crazy? Learn how to tame your brain

No B.S. Exercises

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our freedom to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom” – Viktor Frankl.

Your phone dings and you immediately check for a message while eating dinner with your family

You walk by a bakery and start salivating and tears come to your eyes before your brain clues into your memories of freshly baked bread

You see crumbs on the floor and become angry at your roommates (is that just me?)

An email comes through and you immediately start thinking “it’s my day off, why are they emailing”

As humans we are constantly observing and reacting to stimulus (sights, sounds, emotions, thoughts). When we are moving about life in a reactive state, there isn’t time or space for our logical mind to kick in. Reading this you might think “well, I’m pretty logical and self-aware, I don’t need therapy”. Think again.

If you sometimes:

Avoid conflict or shut down and retreat in conflict
Feel defensive and criticized with feedback
Blame other people or situations for your problems
Have blow up fights (including hypothetical fights in your mind)
Replay conversations in your mind and overthink
Feel blindsided or surprised by other peoples actions

You might not be as aware as you think and that’s OK. Very few people are intrinsically self aware (I’ve never met someone who is). You can practice self-awareness and see great changes through this simple practice.

Stop what you are doing

When you feel yourself reacting – stop. Freeze. Say something like “I’m reacting” or “I’m reactive” (if you’re a nerd like me you can say “My amygdala has taken over”).

Take a breath – get our of your mind and into your body

Tune into your body and create intentionality around your breathing. Notice how your lungs expand and contract with every breath you take. Slow everything down. If your mind is racing, keep breathing and focusing on your breath until it starts to slow.

Label what’s going on (this is the hardest part because we don’t like to feel those damn emotions)

I feel angry, I feel anxious, I feel upset, I feel overwhelmed, I feel some kind of way

Problem solve

This will look different for everyone. For me it includes breathing, prioritizing, asking for help, taking a break (2 mins), letting go of tasks, journaling, emailing my therapist in a panic, feeling through the emotion.

Everyone’s process and problem solving will look different because we are all wired differently. What works for you might be detrimental for someone else. It’s important that you find a plan that works for you. Explore ReLearning Humans No B.S. Resources and team members anytime. You don’t have to do this alone, we are here to support when you are ready.

Moving from reaction to response

No B.S. Exercises

Humans are not so different from computers. As humans, we are only able handle so much before we start to lag, short circuit, overheat and explode. Our bandwidth (pun intended) to manage information, experiences and stimulus depends on a number of factors including hormones, our sleep, weather, over-all health and nourishment, feelings of connection and many others.

One of the challenging things about being human is that we actually haven’t evolved that much AND we believe we are much more evolved than we are. Our nervous system is still wired to constantly be on the lookout for anything that might impact our ability to survive. Yes, I am referring to the email notification, text message or upcoming doctor’s appointment that has us in a mental frenzy.

What your mind perceives as dangerous is out of your control. What is within your control is how you respond when your brain jumps into survival mode. Being aware when your survival brain has taken over is a learned skill. Once you become aware of that, you can train your brain and body to cool down and respond instead of react.

One of the ways we can “restart” our system is by breathing. Slowing down and tuning in to our breathing signals to our parasympathetic system that we are safe, there is no danger and it can calm the f*** down. Use this breathing sphere to slow the pace of your breath and reset your system.

Brain Reset: Calm Your Nervous System with Breathing

No B.S. Exercises

This is a fairly simple, yet challenging practice where we use our breath to get us out of our thoughts (because we all know they can be uber distressing sometimes) and back to the here and now.

Problem solving, planning, thinking are all necessary parts of being human AND when not used as an intentional skill (think pen and paper, collaboration or meeting with yourself) they can cause our anxiety and stress hormones to respond and rise to help us meet the challenge in front of us (and feel a bit wonky and off kilter).

I encourage you to focus on one component of breath. Pick your own or choose one of the following:

The air moving in and out of your nose or mouth
Your chest rising and falling
Your Belly moving up and down
Your lungs expanding and contracting

As you focus on that one component of breath, use your hand to trace your inhales and exhales. You don’t have to change or alter your breath at all, just notice each inhale and exhale, just breathing as you breathe. If you notice you have gotten caught up in thoughts or your mind has wandered off, that’s OK, you are human and we don’t judge being human. Just come back to the practice of tracing your breath with your hand.

Breathing isn’t cutting it? Don’t worry, we all need more support from time to time. At ReLearning Human, we provide online therapy to support you through the challenging and painful experiences of life while cultivating a deeper understanding of what it means to be human — and what it looks like to be human for YOU.

Book a meet and greet here to get started.

Overwhelmed? This might help

No B.S. Exercises

RELEARNING
HUMAN

Do the work

partners in care

No B.S. Exercises

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our freedom to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom” – Viktor Frankl.

RELEARNING
HUMAN

Do the work

RELEARNINGHUMAN

Do the work

partners in care

No B.S. Exercises

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our freedom to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom” – Viktor Frankl.

RELEARNINGHUMAN

Do the work

RELEARNING
HUMAN

RELEARNING
HUMAN