No B.S. Exercises
Working out mentally is not about overthinking, ruminating or playing a scene over and over again in your mind. It’s about training your awareness muscle to shift away from the constant mental noise and come back to the present moment.
As humans, we get caught in our heads riding the rollercoaster of worry, predicting and overanalyzing. When we engage in this mental gymnastics, we feel ungrounded, anxious, depressed and overwhelmed. “Working out” mentally means practicing ways to interrupt this cycle by engaging your awareness and grounding techniques.
People who might want to start using this practice:
Overthinkers
- Constantly replaying conversations, “what if’s” and decisions in their mind
- Struggle to relax or be present even in times of quiet and calm
Perfectionists & high-achievers
- Always doing even if there is nothing to do
- Unrealistic expectations of self and others
- Finds rest difficult or even feels guilt when resting
Recovering from burn-out
- Feels emotionally and physically depleted but are still in “go” mode
- Need to slow down but are unsure how
Emotionally numb and disconnected
- Says things like “I don’t know how I feel”
- Feels muted, numb or disconnected
- Tends to shut-down, zone out when overwhelmed
Reactive
- Reacts disproportionately and is confused by their reactions
- Struggle with lying, knee-jerk reactions and getting in their own way
There are a number of ways to ground and for this post, we will focus on the somatic perspective. The following exercise will help you get out of your mind and into your body in order to actually feel and process those feelings humming under the surface.
A simple somatic exercise:
- Pause for just a moment. It doesn’t matter whether you are sitting or standing. Just pause. Take a deep inhale and long slow exhale – maybe an audible sigh. If it feels right for you, you can keep breathing in and out at your own natural rhythm. Maybe this is the first breath you have taken all day – linger here if you want to. This is at your pace.
- Bring your attention to your feet. How do your feet feel right now? Are they cold or warm? Resting or tense? Just notice how your feet feel right now.
- Move your attention upwards into your ankles, calves, shins, knees and thighs. How do they feel? Is there a sense of relaxation or tension? Lightness or heaviness? Without going into problem-solving or fixing, just label how these parts of you feel right now.
- Keep scanning upwards into your hips, stomach and torso. Maybe you can place a hand on your belly or over your heart to feel the rise and fall of your body as it breathes.
- Move to your shoulders, neck and jaw. If there is tension that’s OK, just notice it. If it feels right to adjust or soften here or any other parts of your body, please do so.
- Finally, notice your face. Is your brow furrowed? Are you clenching your jaw? Can you relax your body by just 1%?
How do you feel now? Better…worse? Just notice the impact that getting back into your body has. You can use this exercise anytime when you find yourself getting wrapped up in your own mental drama. You have control over how you respond when your mind is moving at a rapid pace.
Was this helpful and are you interested in more exercises to help you get rid of your mental clutter? Check out more here
Authored by Annie Amirault, RSW & Co-Founder of ReLearning Human
Perfectionism is the Psychological phenomenon that is categorized by “all or nothing” ways of thinking, control and has been linked to obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Working with anxious, procrastinating perfectionists for almost a decade, I have noticed a number of behaviours and beliefs that are keeping perfectionists stuck:
Fear of failure: This profound fear stops you from starting any new endeavour by paralyzing your system. Some refer to this as a ‘functional freeze’ where on the outside you might look lazy or like you’re relaxed, but on the inside, you’re in turmoil and conflict bouncing between the various “best” ways to start.
Procrastination: You can’t fail if you don’t start right? Avoidance, or procrastination is one of the top behaviors I’ve noticed in perfectionists. Procrastination takes many forms and can sound like, “I’ll start tomorrow” or “I can’t handle this right now.” The more we procrastinate, the easier it is to get looped into the cycle of procrastination.
Results focused: Most goals worth working towards require small, incremental changes that focus on process instead of the outcome. When we focus solely on the results, every time we don’t attain them, we fail.
People-pleasing: Focusing on what others think of the decisions you are making and the goals you are achieving vs. having an intrinsic sense of accomplishment during the process. People-pleasing might show up as seeking external validation, withholding information about your goals or plans or making decisions that you believe others would value and want.
Highly critical: Whether they are looking in the mirror or at people around them, perfectionists’ brains are hyper-critical. This neuro-wiring may present challenges in relationships where they are outwardly critical of their partner or inwardly critical, believing that they need to do and be better to deserve care and connection.
Ready to make lasting changes to your perfectionist mindset? Here is what to do:
Break through procrastination: Micro goals are goals that can help you break down tasks into smaller, more attainable goals so that each day you can feel a sense of accomplishment. Action creates motivation and the more micro goals you check-off, the more motivated you will be to keep going. Now (not later) is a great time to start. You can begin creating micro goals using this worksheet here.
Fail, fail and fail some more: Failure is part of any process. If we base out decisions and actions on not failing, then we likely aren’t trying. If we focus on not failing then we are playing defence in our own life.
Re-focus on the process: When you notice your mind focusing on the end goal, pull back. Starting a business, changing body composition, finding a partner, making your bed, cleaning your space, takes consistent effort.
ReLearn what perfectionism is: We sometimes use “well, I’m a perfectionist” as a way to fuel our helplessness. Perfectionism is a coping strategy to manage anxiety and like any coping strategy, the more we use it, the stronger the “muscle” becomes.
Ask for support: Whether it’s doomscrolling, drinking too much at parties, over-texting friends and family members or ruminating, recognizing and managing anxiety is tough. You don’t have to manage alone, there are books, courses and therapists who can help! Check out a few of the resources below:
Marc Antony TedTalk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTbnBmwKuCI
Ali Abdall: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elAFB0HSBgo
Stephen Guise: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25692561-how-to-be-an-imperfectionist
Authored by Annie Amirault, RSW & Co-Founder of ReLearning Human
Have you ever found yourself thinking about what should have happened, what someone should have said or done?
Focusing on an alternative world where what happened didn’t happen is exhausting. While you expend energy thinking about what should be, you create more pain. There is more suffering in the denial of reality than there is in the acceptance.
The concept of radical acceptance is a skill to tolerate distress. This important skill lets us move from blaming, tantruming and denying to problem solving what is in front of us.
Maybe you have heard yourself say or think some of the following statements:
“If it was me, I wouldn’t have made that decision.”
“They shouldn’t have said that.”
“Why is this happening?”
“I shouldn’t feel the way that I do.”
“This should be easier for me.”
If so, the practice of radical acceptance will help you move into experiencing your life more fully, including all the challenges you face.
How to practice radical acceptance:
Acknowledge the pain: Instead of pushing away difficult emotions, accept them. Radical acceptance requires you to fully engage in the range of emotions humans can access without trying to engage, suppress or deny them. If you are feeling anger, you might say, “I am feeling angry right now and that’s OK, it will pass.”
Let go of judgement: It’s easy to judge yourself for feeling and to think that certain emotions or situations are “wrong.” The practice of acceptance means letting go of that judgement. Instead of believing “I shouldn’t be sad,” you would accept that sadness is part of every human experience.
Stop resisting: As the saying goes, “shit happens.” We don’t want to accept failure, relationships ending, getting evicted, death, and other losses. And, we all know that for all of us, this is part of being human. Instead of ruminating about what should or could be, you might remind yourself, “it is what it is, there have been hundreds of decisions and experiences that have led up to this moment.”
Self-compassion: Life is challenging enough without stewing in self-condemnation and judgement. Next time you find yourself in a challenging moment or a moment you are resisting, you can decide to offer yourself compassion. Saying to yourself, “I’m having a hard time with this and that’s OK, we all have to manage challenges in our life, I am not alone. This will pass and for now, it’s OK that I’m struggling.”
Focus on the present: Your brain might default to ruminating about the past or predicting the future. Radical acceptance encourages us to focus on the here and now because we can’t change the past and we cannot predict the future. When you find your mind moving into the past or future, catch it and come back to the present – feeling your feet on the floor, your butt in your chair or the breath moving in and out of your body.
Practicing radical acceptance doesn’t necessarily solve your problems, but it does change your relationship to them. Instead of struggling against your problems, acceptance allows you to find clarity and move with the problem instead of resisting it.
Radical acceptance is, well…. Radical. It goes against the default of denying, ruminating, controlling and avoiding. It’s also a skill that can be, in practice, life changing. You can change your life if you want to, the first step might be this practice.
You don’t have to do this work alone, if you’re thinking of trying therapy, connect with us at co*****@*************an.com or read through our therapists’ bios here.
Authored by Annie Amirault, RSW & Co-Founder of ReLearning Human
Do you have a task that no matter how hard you work at it or know it needs to get done, you find yourself spiraling, avoiding the task until the very last minute? If this sounds like you, you’re not alone.
Maybe you’re used to hearing phrases like: “Everyone has to do XYZ, it’s not that difficult,” “Have you tried putting it in a planner so you’ll get it done,” or the infamous, “If you just tried a little harder.” No matter how hard we can work at improving our habits or take the advice that was given to us, we still can’t get past the obstacle which can sometimes lead to feelings of shame. But I promise you, no matter how much it feels like a personal failing, it’s not. There’s usually a reason why we are struggling with a task. Have you considered what your reason could be?
If you don’t know what your obstacle is, that’s perfectly OK. We’re humans, always learning and evolving. But, if you spend some time with yourself, exploring why a particular task is so difficult for you, you may be able to find a workaround. And if you’re ready to start having this conversation with yourself, here are a few prompts to get you started:
- Is there a sensory experience (i.e., sight, smell, hearing, taste or touch) about this task that you struggle with?
- Is a disability causing obstacles in completing the task? If so, what about the disability makes the task difficult?
- What about this particular task bothers you?
- Is the obstacle that you would rather be doing something else?
- Are you overwhelmed with the aspect of starting or transitioning into a new task?
Now, considering the above:
- What could you do to make this task easier for yourself?
- Is there something someone else could do to assist you?
If you spend a little bit of time being curious about what obstacles are standing in your way, you may be able to find ways that make a task more manageable. If it’s something specific that gets in the way of completing the task, consider what might counteract it or eliminate it entirely. For example, I hate doing dishes (I mean, does anyone really like doing dishes?) and found myself constantly dragging my feet to do them because I’d get so overwhelmed. After looking into why I hated them, I found that I really just didn’t like the noise. So now, if I’m doing dishes, it is almost guaranteed that I also have noise-cancelling headphones blasting my favourite music because it just makes the task feel easier. But maybe it’s just the sheer number of steps that have to be taken to complete a task. And if this is the case, using micro goals may help get you started. You can find a worksheet for this here.
Other times, it could be just the way our body functions, whether it be executive dysfunction, fatigue or another factor that makes the task harder. A lot of people struggle with deadlines, no matter how much time is given, it’s most likely the work was saved to the very end, and then anxiety ensues. In this case, maybe setting an earlier deadline to have preliminary notes done and checking in with someone would help move the workflow along. Alternatively, if it’s physical, maybe there’s a way you can adapt your environment to make the task easier for you (I’m a strong believer that sitting down to do something makes the task significantly easier, at least for me it does).
And these obstacles do not always have to be there, they may just be situational. But the amazing thing about being human is that we can be adaptive, we’re wired for it. So, while maybe your needs change from time to time, it’s worth it to explore what you need at that particular moment.
We’re human, all different and unique — and that includes you — so it would make sense that maybe you need to approach something from a different angle. And there is nothing wrong with that. This change won’t happen overnight though, it may take a few tries to figure out what works for you, and that’s OK. And with this all said, there may not always be a workaround, and that’s OK too.
So, while this will take time and effort — and you are absolutely worth this effort — you do have the opportunity to make something more accessible and tuned to your needs. No matter what they are and even if they look a little different than how others do it. But if we take a moment to explore why we may be struggling with these tasks with gentle, self-compassionate curiosity instead of battling the obstacle and getting frustrated with ourselves or the task, we open ourselves up to the opportunity to find adaptive ways that work for us.
You aren’t alone in this; if you are ready to explore therapy, contact us at co*****@*************an.com or you can read through our therapists’ bios here and start your therapy journey.
Authored by Dani Caruso, BSW
Ever sit on the couch with your mind telling you the long list of things you *should* or *need* to do and you can’t seem to get up and actually do any of them? You sit there for minutes, hours or even days naming everything you need to do and judging that it’s not being done. You are anticipating how hard the task will be, criticizing yourself thinking that it’s easier for everyone else. You might even go through your day-to-day completing your tasks, but it takes every ounce of energy for you to get them done.
The longer you avoid a task, the harder your brain will believe it is and the less resources it will have to do the actual task.
Your mind has overwhelmed you to the point of poking at your sympathetic nervous system and BOOM you are frozen.
You have a good body, it is trying to help you survive when danger is present. You might be thinking, “But no danger is present!” If your nervous system is activated and you are frozen, it is because it has perceived a danger. Your brain is trying to logic you away from this reaction, and unfortunately, the animal just does not work that way.
You can start to thaw your freeze response by following these steps:
TALK TO YOUR BRAIN – say “Thanks brain but you aren’t being helpful right now.”
NAME WHAT’S HAPPENING – I feel frozen and that is OK, this a normal response, even if the fear is not logical.
HELP YOURSELF – The feeling of helplessness creeps in and we might start to notice apathy, some “why bothers” or “what’s the points” floating around in your mind.
START SLOW – Look at the corners of the room that you are in. Move your neck. It’s hard to stay stuck when you are in motion. Keep trying to note all the corners.
GET UP – Often we experience this functional freeze or freeze experience when our bodies are laying or sitting. Even though it might look like rest on the outside, the mind is jumping from thought to thought and feeling anything BUT peaceful. Even if it’s one foot on the ground, or bending your knees. Move your body.
CHANGE YOUR TEMPERATURE – Once you have successfully shifted that freeze response, splash cold water on your face, grab an ice cube and let it melt in your hand. If you are brave, go outside in the cold for a moment. Feel that change of temperature as it shifts you further out of freeze.
Managing the human system is not easy and we do often need more help with our practice. We are here when you need that extra bit of support. Reach out to co*****@*************an.com for other resources or to find a therapist that might be the right fit for you.
Authored by Annie Amirault RSW & Co-Founder of ReLearning Human
