The Relearning Blog

Self-talk is a normal process that we all participate in daily, we all have an inner voice, and for some of us, that voice is an asshole. When we go with our automatic, reactive thoughts without recognizing and challenging them, it has implications that affect our emotions, motivation, resiliency and future accomplishments. Problems around self-esteem and self-confidence arise when our inner voice is persistently negative. This type of mental experience reinforces irrational, negative and black and white ideas that we have about ourselves, our relationships and our futures. 

Someone once wrote: “If we talked to our friends in the same way that we talk to ourselves we would not have any friends.”

Ask yourself the following questions to challenge your inner critic, mitigate the impacts of negative self-talk and lessen your critical inner voice:

1. Challenge your thoughts

• What is my evidence for and against my thinking?
• Are my thoughts factual or are they just my interpretation of the situation or event?
• Am I jumping to conclusions? Mind reading? Predicting the future?
• How can I find out if my thoughts are actually true?
  

2. Look for alternative explanations

• Are there any other ways that I could look at this situation?
• If I were being positive, how would I perceive this situation?
• What would I tell a friend or loved one who has a similar experience?
  

3. Put it in perspective

• Is this situation as bad as I am making it out to be?
• What is the worst thing that could happen? How likely is it?
• What is the best thing that could happen?
• What is most likely to happen?
• Is there anything good about this situation?
• Will this matter in five years?
  

By acknowledging your self-critical voice and challenging its observations, you have the opportunity to create a change in how you relate to yourself and the world around you. Over time, being aware of your critical self-talk will actually rewire your brain. The more you practice pulling back from beating yourself up, the less automatic it will become. 

Authored by Annie Amirault, RSW, MSW, Psychotherapist & Co-Founder of ReLearning Human.