Anxiety is a term that most of us barely go a day without hearing from our friends, colleagues, in the media or out in the world, and somehow, we struggle to conceptualize it within ourselves. 

Someone once said that the difference between fear and anxiety is that fear is a reaction to something that has happened while anxiety is a fear response to something that hasn’t happened yet.

As I anxiously sit here writing this blog thinking about what my dentist is going to say about my teeth, I can feel my palms start to sweat as I see a mental image of their judgemental face as I wince and whine with every poke and prod (all my braces and maxillofacial surgery folks stand up!). My mind begins to fog over as I hear a distinct alert to cancel the appointment. The whisper of “you can go another day,” “you don’t have time for this,” becomes more audible as I sit thinking. What I am experiencing is anxiety. 

The beautiful thing about fear is, when it presents, we react perfectly – the body is wired to survive. When fear is activated, we respond in whatever way we need to in order to manage the presenting danger. 

Anxiety is the same, except, the danger that is felt hasn’t happened yet (even if our mind and body says it’s inevitable). 

What is anxiety anyways?

Anxiety is our internal alarm system that sounds off when it perceives danger. Note: the word perceive. Unfortunately our lizard brain hasn’t gotten the memo yet that the email from your boss won’t kill you, the person talking shit about you and that an unknown caller isn’t a threat to your survival. That is where most people get stuck – anxiety is not logical and often does not work to manage it. Trust me, if I could say “hey, there isn’t anything to be anxious about, you’re fine,” I would shout it from the rooftops. Because logic usually doesn’t work to manage anxiety, what does? 

Because anxiety is usually a future-oriented experience, do whatever you can to come back to the space you are in, back to the present moment. There are many present-focused activities  and it is important to have one or two well practiced ones that you can use in an anxious moment. You can read more about coming back to the present here.

What anxiety sounds like:

Everyone’s anxiety voice is different. My voice sounds pretty catastrophic and it is distrusting of my ability to manage challenging situations. Yours might be different but mine sounds like:

1. “What if” Thoughts: “What if I fail? What if I embarrass myself?”
2. Future focus: “What if I don’t get the job? What if something happens to my loved ones? What if I can’t handle this?”
3. Overthinking: “Did I say the wrong thing? What did they think of me? I need to replay that conversation in my head.”
4. Self-Doubt: “Am I good enough? What if everyone else is more qualified?” 
5. Catastrophizing: “If I mess this up, it will ruin everything I have worked for. I’ll be a failure.”
6. Hyperawareness of the body: “My heart is racing too fast, am I having a heart attack? What if something is wrong with me? Why can’t I calm down?”
7. Avoidance Thoughts: “Maybe I should just cancel. It’s too much to handle right now. I can’t do it.”

Anxiety can manifest in a number of ways. Clients I have worked with have identified anxiety showing up in their bodies as:

Racing or palpating heart

Perspiration

Heat through head, neck and chest

Stomach in knots

Racing mind

Tension through jaw, neck and shoulders

Short and shallow breathing 

General unease and restlessness

Sleep disturbances and difficulty falling asleep 

Managing the above cognitive and physical symptoms is simple but not easy. Start by using your awareness muscle and: 

Accept it: stop resisting yourself and let yourself feel anxious. 

Name it: “I know it might not be rational but I’m feeling anxious about X and my mind is saying …”

Manage it: When I’m anxious I know that coming back to the present moment is helpful. Present-focused activities include grounding exercises (you can find some here) , mindful activities (available here) , and other tools that I have developed and practiced in therapy. 

Move on: instead of focusing on the fact that you were anxious just now, move on. Anxiety will pop up seemingly at random and that’s OK. The less time we spend in the anxious space, the less time we will spend in the anxious space (get it?). We cannot think our way out of challenges, we cannot prepare for every outcome, avoiding hard stuff makes it worse and we are so much more adaptive and resilient  than we give ourselves credit for.

Living is challenging enough without having the persistent experience of anxiety. I get it. Looking back, I was a highly anxious kid during the 90’s who had no idea what was happening and despite having medically-focused parents, they couldn’t help me accept, name, manage and move with the anxiety so here I am. A human, just like you who is trying to manage their anxiety day to day through weekly therapy (Elizabeth, you’re the BEST!), daily awareness and mindful practices and a community of people who help enable AND check in on me when I need it. Remember, you aren’t alone in this and there are people who are not only trained, but have experienced something similar to what you are managing now. We are here when you need us – or – when you want us.

If you want to connect with us, you can contact us at co*****@re*************.com or you can read through our therapists’ bios here.

Authored by Annie Amirault, RSW & Co-Founder of ReLearning Human