The Relearning Blog

In the book I’m reading (Kingdom of Ash by Sarah J. Maas), a main character says as they are about to engage in war: 

“…and you will likely throw up again. But just remember that this fear of yours? It means you have something worth fighting for – something you care so greatly for that losing it is the worst thing you can imagine” (page 684). 

Fear is undeniably part of the human experience. We all feel fear. It can show up as a tight knot in your stomach, racing heart, or a mental block and procrastination. Whether it’s going on a date, checking an email, or speaking up in a meeting, fear often holds us back from achieving our goals and living the life that aligns with our values. But, what if we could transform that fear into a catalyst for action? Managing the fear and moving forward anyway is a key strategy for personal growth and success. As the title says – feel the fear and do the damn thing. 

Understanding fear as a natural, human response 

Fear is a normal human emotion designed to protect us from danger. However, in today’s world, most of our fears are not life-threatening. Often when the fear response is activated, it is because we are doing something different and stepping out of our comfort zones. This distinction allows us to approach fear not as an enemy to avoid but as a simple, normal, human signal that maybe we are challenging ourselves or being given an opportunity to stretch and grow. Instead of becoming stuck in fear, we can use it as a guide to where we might want or need to grow and change.

Recognizing and accepting fear 

ReLearning being Human is a continual process and it includes accepting fear. Accepting fear as a normal and expected part of the human experience is the first step to overcoming it. Instead of being overwhelmed, denying, suppressing or avoiding your anxiety, recognize it as a natural, human response. Mindful practices can help you build the muscle of awareness so that you can manage the fear when it naturally comes up day to day. You can find various mindful practices here. Remember, acceptance doesn’t mean resignation. The process of accepting your reality as it is without turning away from it, is about making peace with your fear and using it as a starting point for action.

Using curiosity to question fear 

Ask yourself:
“What am I afraid of?” 

“Why does this fear exist?”

“What do I think will happen if I do (or don’t do) X?”

“How is the fear trying to protect me and keep me safe?”

By understanding the root of your fear, you can address it more effectively and help support yourself to walk with the fear, instead of avoiding it. 

Take small steps

Large goals are often overwhelming and exacerbate the fear and subsequent avoidance. Breaking down goals into smaller, bitesize tasks can help manage the fear and overwhelm when starting a task. Try using micro goals to create manageable goals that might be less activating. You can learn more about micro goals here.These incremental steps can make the process less daunting and help build a sense of accomplishment in the process. 

Ask for help

Asking for help might be fear-inducing in itself! AND we can’t be an expert in everything. If you are struggling to manage your fear, reach out to fellow humans who both feel fear, and help themselves and others learn how to accept and manage it. 

Authored by Annie Amirault RSW, MSW/ Psychotherapist & Co-founder of ReLearning Human