The Relearning Blog

The world of psychotherapy has expanded expediently in the past couple of years with emerging new therapists and their private practices. Addressing mental health and ensuring that there are sufficient resources available for the public is crucial. However there remains question and concern of therapists and their practice or lack thereof with boundary setting. What am I basing this on? I have had clients share their experiences of previous therapists disclosing their own personal challenges in sessions. Some therapists crying longer and louder and clients leave their sessions feeling like they need to hold space for their therapist rather than the other way around. It does happen, it is happening and can be an incredibly harmful experience for clients. It is necessary to explore, discuss and understand the importance of boundary setting between a therapist and their client. It appears as to what may have been an obvious practice in the therapy world once upon a time may not be the case today. 

Boundaries are important in creating a secure, safe and healthy client-therapist relationship. They are crucial for establishing a professional and ethical space in which therapy can take place. Only with strong boundaries we allow clients to be vulnerable and able to explore their thoughts, feelings and experiences without fearing judgment. These are the building blocks of a true therapeutic relationship. 

It is the therapist’s responsibility to create the boundaries. 

To give you an example the following are what boundaries may look like

Confidentiality: Your therapist’s role is to uphold strict confidentiality to protect your privacy. They are not to disclose any personal information about their clients and sessions without consent. There is an exception to this rule when there are specific legal or ethical situations where a disclosure is mandated (i.e. – harm to self or others). 

Emotional boundaries: Your therapist can empathise, nurture, support and co create a secure attachment with you without becoming personally involved or emotionally dependent. The balance between being supportive and maintaining objectivity is key.

Physical boundaries: Your therapist respects your physical space, asks if physical touch is ok (i.e.- hand on knee for comfort or a reach to touch your arm, handshake, hug or even touch during a guided/relaxation meditation). When appropriate and foremost consensual, this can support the therapeutic process. However physical contact is generally limited in a therapy session.

Financial: Your therapist has provided you with transparent information around the fees, cancellation and late fee policy. Your therapist might be understanding of a one off event with late payment or last-minute cancellation (hey life happens right) but appropriately addresses this with you if it starts to become a pattern. 

You have a right to a boundaried therapist

Ideally, your therapist should be receiving training and supervision to ensure they uphold these boundaries effectively throughout their practice. You have a right to a boundaried therapist so your mental health and therapy journey can feel safe, secure and fully supported. If this is your first time in therapy or your tenth time giving it a go, you are allowing yourself the opportunity to learn and experience a healthy, caring, supportive and boundary-ed relationship. This learning can sometimes feel like your new blueprint for relationships. It can extend into other relationships and model what healthy boundaries can look like, and more importantly, feel like. By addressing boundary issues directly, you can ensure that your therapy journey is supportive of your mental health goals.

Some tips for you if your therapist is unboundaried

Think it over: Reflect on the event or therapist behaviours that concerns you. Has there been a violation, inappropriate or discomfort with therapists’ personal disclosures, etc.? What is your gut feeling?

Talk it out: You can discuss your concerns directly with your therapist. Although this may feel daunting, it is important to express how you perceive the boundary issue and what you are uncomfortable with. You can do this calmly and respectfully.

Clarity: This may be a misunderstanding. Seeking clarification from your therapist about their boundaries, the therapeutic frame and their approach will help if there has been a misstep in communication, etc.

The response: A professional therapist will be open to discussing your concerns and any issues that arise. They will take your concerns seriously and work towards repairing any injury within the therapeutic relationship and in rebuilding the professional relationship.

Reporting ethical concerns: If you feel that there are ethical violations you may consider reporting them to their licensing board or professional association. These organizations have support in place to address ethical complaints and ensure accountability. 

Don’t give up hope! Seek out another therapist: It would be discerning and may dissuade you from seeking out another therapist. Please don’t give up and continue to prioritize your mental health and well being by seeking out support from another therapist. 

Therapists are human too, we have feelings, common lived experiences with our clients often mirroring our own fears, judgments, shame, joy, excitement, happiness, etc. However, there is a power imbalance between client and therapist leaving no room and opportunity to become friends. Setting boundaries with clients means we are conducting ourselves in a professional and ethical manner, protecting our clients interests and establishing trust. Boundaries also help in preventing dependence which allows clients to feel empowered, grow and develop skills to live healthier lives. 

If you are searching for a safe space in therapy, you can find an ethically sound and boundaried therapist at Relearning Human. Connect with us @relearninghuman.com

Authored: Kavita Patel RSW and co-founder of ReLearning Human